-the one after my 20th-
 7:06 p.m. & 2008-06-27

.:.I've been staring at the sky tonight Marvelling and passing time Wondering what to do with daylight Until I can make you mine You are the one I want, you are the one I want I've been thinking of changing my mind It never stays the same for long But of all the things I know for sure You're the only certain one You are the one I want, you are the one I want I've been counting up all my wrongs One sorry for each star See I'd apologise my way to you If the heavens stretched that far You are the one I want, you are the one I want I won't find what I am looking for If I only see by keeping score 'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic 'Cos if I add, if I subtract if I Give it all try to take some back I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact That you are the sum So you are one I want When the years are showing on my face And my strongest days are gone When my heart and flesh depart this place From a life that sung your song You'll still be the one I want .:.

So its been awhile.
and alot has happened
and i just dont know if i can really fully talk bout it all now...

I had an abortion a week and a half ago
the day before my 20th birthday.

hows that for a birthday present.


i ddnt celebrate my bday at all. and thats upsetting.

its all kinda messed up
no thats a lie. it WAS all messed up. its getting better...but even so, ive gone thru a hell of alot lately.

xox
***edit**** just looked at my previous entry. "ok well not much else to report. im not pregnant. (which i must say it fucked up because i should be by now. how are all my friends so bloody FERTILE! ...not that im trying or anything. ...i do want a baby...but theres too much that needs to be done before that happens...) and my chrons disese is going alright. getting sick all the time, coz my immune system is crap but yea im not dying. (thats why im not preg i think...coz my body wudnt b able to handle it. ive only had my period once since we moved...thats how i know when im sick)" that was at the end of the last one....i got preg like 2 weeks after that. wow.

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