- the one with the silence-
10:54 p.m. & 2006-10-07
the drive home today was unbearable. not just the fact that i knew i was on my way home, where i wud b no longer wif you, but rather the silence. gosh that silence. and i wanted to scream. i wanted to yell and cry and throw my arms up in the air and tell you and the world that i miss you.that i love you. that all i want to do is be held by you. that its killing me inside. that i cant believe what you said to me (did u 4get hu u were talkin to??). that all i do is think about you and us and us being together and all the wonderful things i can think of us doing and the cute things id do for you and how much fun we'd haf and how much i know how u want things to be (not all 'involved'. fun, not as clingy, space, all of that) and how im okay wif that and how all i want is for u back. but all there was was silence in that car. because i couldnt say anything. i couldnt make small talk, i knew if i started talking all of the above would come out. i want it to. i want you to hear it. but i also want alot of other things, and i cant have it right now. i have hardly moved since u dropped me home. im just so, god i dont even know. i just so deep in thought and in sadness. it really feels like uv died thats why im this upset. a million things to say...
people dont see how much they love sum1 or how gr8 that person was until they die, you know like cindy, ppl liked her heaps yes, but she pretty much became a saint when she went. it just makes ppl see. and thts wots happened to me, iv had so many realisations lately. how effin gorgeous you are...how funny you are...how those annoying things that id get REALLY pissed off at, dont even matter anymore. im sure theyl piss me off, but its just such a damn small thing that means NOTHING and that intense LOVE that i haf now overlooks this crap. or at least helps me stop, think about it and then let it go so that its not an issue. people may not change (like u said today) but they sure as heck see what they need to do to makes things easier, more fun, better...i wish there was some way to make u me for just 2 seconds, and ud see how i feel and what i mean what i say all this. its not empty promises. this is it, and this is why its killin me. because i KNOW what iv got to do, i KNOW how good itll be, i KNOW that u want things to be different to how they were and i just KNOOOOOW. i know i know i know.
ppl gona think im pathetic wif all of wt im sayn, bt i dnt care. i love you.
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